One lazy day, some lazy hours of late morning when Maa, as usual, woke me up with all her taunting inspirational words about which she thinks they will shake my inner core and will make me a responsible girl but she will never understand that all her jeering words have no effect on me. It’s been a year and half of my graduation and ‘m standing nowhere in this world just living a bland silent life with no job, no friends no interest in further studies and it seems like no life. Every day I get up with my Maa’s inspirational words and stand in front of a mirror with disgraced eyes staring at my shadow in the mirror with a question mark, doubting my belief, quizzing my silence about when I will put an end to this fear of not facing the truth? Till when I will lead a robotic life where there is no freedom, no peace of mind, no life I just don’t know how to face this world on my own ‘m so lost. Sometimes I feel like shouting out loud “I’m Neer and my passion is music” why the hell this world cannot understand my urge for life with music.
Heya guys! This is me Neer, a small-town girl with much big dreams. Did my schooling from Dayanand High School cause my Maa thinks that it was the best school of my town and did my graduation from Indian Institute of Banking and Finance because my Paa thinks that it was the best college and they manufacture really good banker. Yes! You guessed it right my Paa wants me to be a banker. A 9 to 5 job, good salary, perks and lots more facilities which go on blah blah and blah…..! But never asked me what I want to do in my life. Music is my life yaar! as if they ever concerned. When things actually don’t move according to you it makes you feel that no one bothers for what you think, what you want and everything and everyone seems against you even your belief. Fear was in my mind but still there was a little faith in my heart that HE cannot be so cruel to me, now it depends on me and my courage how to convince my parents. I must tell you this isn’t an easy job. But I decided to explode up at dinner when actually we all three are together but silent, cause we don’t have anything to talk. It was nine when we were at the table having food, actually Maa and Paa were having dinner and I was just confused how to start the conversation, should I opt for melodramatic way, will that be convincing, how will they react, will there be a yes from their end, are they going to understand my dream for life etc., etc. all these questions were moving round and round like a tornado in my mind and I was digging my plate with a spoon and chaotic mind. You need big words for your big confession. I was tensed and worried. Looking at my behavior Maa asked, “ Neer, are you alright, why ain’t you having your food beta”
It is suffocating when you want to fight with your fear who is ruling you since very long, but I closed my eyes and with all my strength I said “ Maa, long, but I have something to say” when I opened my eyes I saw they were normally having their food, my voice was so low that it was within me. I again assembled all my strength and said out loud “Maa, Paa I have a confession to make” and this time I was so loud that it did smack them with great intensity. Their pallid aghast expression made me realize that I was literally loud. Though their doubtful eyes was making me feel uncomfortable as if I have committed some crime by saying this, but ignoring my nervousness I continued “I have something to say, did you ever notice that ‘m not happy I never smile I don't have any friends, any life. Don’t you feel to ask me why ‘m so rude with my life and what ‘m interested in” when I was saying all this I realized that their expressions were still same and with a big question mark as if something is wrong with me. After seeing all this I decided to cut out all the crap and directly I said, “Music is my passion, it is my dream. I cannot be a banker, 9 to 5 job is not my cup of tea Paa, 1st I thought that I can lead a life, what you planned for me but in reality it suffocates me I cannot lie to myself. My life is music and I dreamt of it.”
My Maa’s expressions were like typical Indian mother type teary eyes and words like “what rubbish ‘m talking off” and then my Paa exclaimed “hmm…! Whatever I have planned for you beta, is for your betterment, I want you to settle in your life I want you to have a good life and this job can give you both.” I interrupted in between saying “but this will not give me any happiness a good life.” then I added with some melodramatic words “Don’t you want to see your daughter happy trust me Paa I won’t let you down. I assure you that I will come up with flying colors and musical wings Paa please say yes”. After this there was a pin drop silence in the room and I can clearly hear the tick tick of the watch as its second's hand were moving and increasing my curiosity to know where this conversation ends.
It was that night and it's today (a week later) when ‘m packing my bags to go away from home. You must be thinking what happened that night, “fear always stops you from doing things, but when you go against your fear, you earn your life” and I did the same. That night my Paa said “Yes” and I got my life back. I have taken admissions to " KM Music Conservatory" and my journey to life begins from here.
